Thursday, October 7, 2010



And so our lovely Naomi with the golden heart was declared brain dead by the doctors relying on their precious and costly machines - at 9: 43 in the morning of the 29th of August 2010. Even the name of the Hospital , The Sparrow Hospital, sent cold tremors running down my spine.Sparrows are the worst infected species of birds today. They have meningitis and other maladies to horrible to mention No thanks to us so called humans.

Two months before her untimely death, she had told me that she had seen herself in a dream where she was lying in a coma stuffed with tubes and in unimaginable pain. She kept screaming deep inside her " I can't die, I'll never see my Mother again."

I told her that she was the one dreaming the dream and therefore the creator of it. We project our fears and our hopes into our dreams. In a sense they can be a healthy outlet.

I don't belong to a little sect or cult. I am a Roman Catholic with over two billion believers. After Vatican ll. we now openly consider Anglicans, Lutherans, Presbyterians, Evangelicals, Methodists, Mormons,  Jews, Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus, Buddhists and Parsis as our Brothers in Christ. Indeed, in a spirit of Ecumenism, we have now taken back into the fold 650,000 Anglicans from the Church of England.

Few people have had a send off into the Light as Naomi. Thousands of Buddhists chanted the Ritual of Light. They will do so again tonight .

The most sensitive messages and letters came from my Muslim friends. This does not surprise me. The Quran is filled with exquisite references to the sacrality of Mothers and Women. So does the Church. It elevated the role of women through the Blessed Virgin Mary. 

I ordered a rosary made of pearls for Naomi. She had asked me for one . It was of the Virgin of Lourdes and I was going to send it to her as a birthday present together with the Papal blessing. I have it with me and recite the rosary every night, as I think of her, and all my many Loved Ones who have gone before me.

A brief explanation about the so called Phoenix Heart. First of all it is a Sufi heart. The Sufis are the mystics of Islam. To the Wahabi sect of Saudi Arabia they are considered heretics and fatwas would be issued sentencing them to death.  It is safe to say that there are no Sufis in Saudi-Arabia.  Even in Iran they are persecuted. Many religious scholars including Christian ones believe they existed during the time of the other great Monotheistic religion - Zoroastrianism.  The three wise men, we call them Magi or Maghi in Europe,  came from the Near East - from Persia/Iran following a comet or a star. They were Sufis, Seekers of Knowledge, Keepers of Secrets and followers of Zoroaster. 

The Crusades exposed Christians to many customs and beliefs.The Sufi heart eventually became  the Sacred Heart of Jesus to Christians. The Sufis didn't mind. God was their Beloved. Jesus was God. Where was the problem? There was none.

If you observe the heart, you will see that three wings sprout from both sides of the Heart of Jesus. Six golden wings in all. The Heart burns crimson with fiery love for Humanity. Jesus died for all on the Cross. On the top of the heart is the head of the Phoenix, which rises from the holocaust and its ashes. 

You will also note its similarity to the winged heart of Sufism Reoriented (by Meher Baba):   the path of love.   I enclose a photo of a special ring that illustrates this point:

Now for Naomi's message to me. She knew something awful was about to occur. She must have had unbelievable pain due to the aneurysm. Naomi was prescient. She, my daughter Cinzia and I are the only ones who can "see" events and people. Tears blind me when I think of the trouble she went to to send me this Heart. It is a laborious process in Facebook. I have searched for it high and low in Facebook but I cannot find it. 

Perhaps the fact that someone send it before they were struck down by an aneurysm caused the Executives to remove it. I am considered a public figure. Click on Google or other search engines and you'll find thousands of sites about me,my writings, essays,opinions and stories.    

"Mother, I am taking flight, into the Light." The Phoenix meant that she would live again in a sense because she was an organ donor. I knew it and thought it was a lovely idea. She was aware that I had written a book exposing the trafficking of children's organs called HEART OF DIAMONDS. 

It was a message of Love to me. After all has been said and done, ( good and bad) I was her MOTHER. No one, not even God can change that. Why would God want to? The Rig Vedas would ask. 

My sister, malicious as always, sent me an E card  Naomi supposedly sent her four or five days before her death. In it she confided that she felt she could talk to my sister more easily than she could to me.  I can believe that. I often told her things she did not want to hear. I can understand why Naomi would write such a loving letter to my sister. She probably knew that my sister Carmen NEEDED that kind of love. 

That shows how much my daughter took to heart the words of Jesus:  "Love One Another." 

Never forget that the Heart holds many spaces for Love.

Once again, I must cope with my sister's violation of a confidence. My daughter's revelation was between her and Carmen. 

 "I'm sure Naomi would not mind." 

She cannot presume to know what was on Naomi's mind. 

Why am I mentioning all this? Because I had forgiven my sister for past betrayals of a quasi  slanderous  nature. Naomi wanted Balance and Harmony. She asked me to talk to my sister again. I had forgiven her, what I did not want was to be continuously wounded by her, because when we were children everyone in the world remarked on my beauty and ignored her. Thoughtless and mindless on the part of the adults, including my Father. Criminy that was over 50 years ago.  Get over it. Grow up girl. 


With Naomi's death, old resentments seem to have come to the fore again. I am not going to allow it to disturb me. I have 9 books to publish within a space of 5 years. I have a devoted husband who loves me. I have an 8 year old grandson I am mentoring. A daughter, Cinzia in Genoa, whom  I am cultivating and nurturing. Another daughter, Chiana living a spiritual life and working in India. A son Marco, in London who is a publisher of Children's books and has always looked upon me as a role model - his father and mother image, two more sons in California. Mischa, the eldest and the lovely daughter he has brought up Yahni. My son Buck who writes screen plays. 

As for my two cruel daughters Goneril/Miriam  and Regan/Marlise;  I took you back into my fold for Naomi's sake. Your unloving deeds and words have caused me to cast you away. I shall not cease to love you but never again will you be in a position to hurt me in any way. Karma does not come in the OTHER WORLD, Karma occurs NOW. 

I woud like to add one final word. For all that Naomi suffered she was gifted with an extraordinary sense of wit and humor.  She was a Manic/Depressive (Bi-Polar) or so said the Doctors.  Twenty eight long stays at a psychiatric clinic throughout her life is not my idea of good treatment or even compassion for "the mentally ill" as the Media and many people including her paternal relatives referred to it.  She never saw a good neurologist. Had she come here, that was the first doctor she would have seen. One who holds the Chair of Neurology and also happened to be a good friend. 

When Naomi was 2 years old, she had a fever of a 101, just like that, without any warning. No cold. no infected tonsils.  I  placed ice bags on her head and neck and took her to the base hospital on the island of Guam.  By the time we got to the hospital she was burning against me. and her temperature was 107 and climbing. She convulsed in my arms for 10 minutes without respite.  The Navy doctors filled a bathtub with ice cubes and threw her in it with me supporting her head. Her convulsions continued fpr another 20 to 30 minutes.  Her screams were as ungodly as mine. She stayed in there for over an hour until the fever descended to 101. A doctor prescribed some drops to put her to sleep so that she would not get the convulsions again. "It happens to kids all the time," said the doctor. End of story.  

The aneurysm occurred in her brain stem. I was told by the Head nurse that she probably had it since infancy. 

You are still traveling within the Light Naomi.  I don't think many of us go straight to the Light, the Creator, Paradise,  Heaven as the primitive Christians define it or AGADU, which I prefer. THE GREAT ARCHITECT OF THE UNIVERSE.  We are sinners.  Somehow the sins must be expiated. I am not talking about Purgatory either. 

We should also not refer to Naomi or even to children who die as Angels. Yes, we use the word metaphorically. Angels are different from humans. God deliberately created them differently to look after Man. 

Thank you humbly for having chosen me as your Mother, Naomi.  I thank your Guardian Angel Gayel for having looked after you especially when you were suffering. 

To honor Naomi, I am planning to create a non-profit foundation for those afflicted like Naomi. The word mentally ill will never appear. I detest the word and it says and means nothing. It is time to climb out of the snake pit! An enlightened, highly compassionate , and civilized country will be the site of the Hildegarde von Bingen Foundation for Unique Individuals. Why Hldegarde? Because Naomi loved her.

"After the Virgin Mary, there is Hildegarde von Bingen," she told me  when she knew I was giving a lecture and a 90 minute Power Point Presentation on her. 




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